My toddler can be a defiant little demon challenging - I've raised two other children through the toddler years, but I don't think I've ever faced the things that this little guy puts me through. Drawing on the walls, climbing up the shelves, learning how to open my locked doors so that he can go for "walks", sampling my makeup, opening up pop cans, cleaning out my litter box (into the dryer no less) - nope, this kid is a one-of-a-kind walking disaster.

Case in point: Last night they were all playing happily. Oh, who am I kidding, they were squabbling and bickering -- then I let them make forts out of the couch cushions. This seemed to dim the whining a bickering for a little bit. Then, my daughter got the brilliant idea of pulling out the little penlight that she got from grandma (yes, you, grandma!). This was all cool with me. I was doing homework and was just happy that there was relative quiet for me to study.

Some time passes, and then Adam walks up to me and says "Mommy, all gone." and points to his mouth.

"what's all gone?"

"all gone...candy...all gone"

"what candy?"

Adam proceeds to roll his eyes at me and goes over to his pile of cushions. He comes back with the flashlight -- open and emptied of batteries. Then says "Candy...all gone. Adam eat all gone."

Suddenly, vivid scenes from that show on TLC about kids eating strange things comes into my mind. One was of a kid who ate batteries and nearly died from his internal bleeding. YIKES.

So, I call Health Link (a service in my area that has nurses to give advice 24 hours a day) -- they directed me to the Poison Control Center who said "This boy needs to go to the hospital now." They proceeded to question me about which hospital I planned on taking him to and I packed up a bag and left.

We got to the hospital, and it was "Hi, my little guy swallowed a battery -" that's all I got out. The nurse says, "We've been waiting for you, come on in."

*this never happens. It's usually at least a 4-6 hour wait!*

He freaked about being weighed, he freaked about having to put on a hospital gown. He didn't want to talk to the nurses, he tried to snag the doctor's pop, he played peek-a-boo with the woman in the bed next to us with the curtain that divided the room, he tried to run away 3 or 4 times...

Finally they call us for x-rays. 2 shots and it's done. They spot the battery (just one) and tell me it'll come out as nature intended.

Yay for me -- I get to squash poop for the next few days until I spy a battery. Fun.

So -- if you didn't read it, my son ate a battery. That's right...he ate a battery. You can read the story behind this whole thing [above], but I will go on with the current situation.

We are now almost 1 week to the hour (in a few hours) of "the incident" and there is still no sign of this stinkin' thing (no pun intended). I have been searching poopy diapers for what seems like an eternity.

Perhaps I've missed it. Perhaps that silly button battery (which was the size of a tablet of asprin) made it's way out the back door incognito. Who knows? The only way to find out for sure is to do another xray (or ultrasound).

The saddest part of this whole thing?? My little guy is slightly lactose intolerant...too much milk will give him the runs. So, as a wonderful mother, what have I been doing? Giving him milk to drink, yogurt for a snack and cereal for breakfasts....every day. Do you know what lactose intolerant poops smell like?? *shudder* This is some scary stuff...I deserve a medal for it...but have I gotten it yet?? Nope, the little award has either decided to camp out in his intestines for a bit, or has sneakily made it past my best efforts to spot him. Damn 007 battery!

Anyhow -- the phone rang today (during nap time...eye twitch!!) -- and who was it?? The Poison Control Center...calling to see if I've spotted it! I tell them (and even admitted to the extra milk thing) -- he laughs and says, "yeah, well...batteries have been known to take as long as 14 days to pass"

You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me. --- fourteen days?!?!

How is that even possible? How can someone have something in their intestines for that long without it moving along with the rest of the...uh...stuff??? This kid has been having 2 movements a day, and I'm supposed to wait until day 14?? Insane!

Anyhow -- that's it for now. Should it show...I'll let you all know (cause I know you're all as anxious as I am!)