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Carnal bliss, hydrocodone and brownies Vodalus Send a noteboard - 09/05/2010 10:47:24 AM
No, really. Why do we, you, I, stick around? Love? Sex? Hugsies from Mommy? Money? Books? LSD? Babies? Duty?

I don't want to be talked out of committing suicide, mostly because I'm not committing suicide. But I am alive today mostly because of some vague principle that dying is probably worse than all this, my parents and brother would be sad, and I'm in therapy so that I don't commit suicide. So far as results go, it's working.

But over the last few months, I gotta tell you. I don't see the point. It's just going to be more of this... this struggle. Day after day. Why am I doing this? Obviously I'm missing something. Something that makes life "worth living" in a concrete sense, not just in this vague amorphous way.

What am I missing? I've been told to "cheer up" and the only reason I'm not happy is that I'm "not trying". It's like I "want to be miserable". And I look at my little white pills that help me get out of bed in the morning, at my very nice therapist who tells me not to be so angry at myself for not being happy or accomplished or okay... I don't know how to do this "trying" or "doing" or "cheerying".

So. If you feel up to it, if you want to, if you feel like it. Share your joy with me, for a bit, please?


Okay, okay. Those are just thrills or indulgences which provide fleeting contentment. But still...

Now, I know I should say people, but dammit! people are fickle bastards. This is especially true of people who sense that you are not happy, and even more so of people who are themselves not happy. So people can't be the answer - at least, not yet. And the whole "trying to be happy" makes about as much sense as trying to eat the fruit of a tree which hasn't even been planted yet. It just doesn't work that way. Happiness arises from endeavors that require effort, time and perhaps a kind of sober interest. So a suitable pursuit might be something to try. But be careful, it could, in time, lead to people and happiness creeping into your life. Good luck.

Oh, I chose cycling.
南無阿弥陀仏!
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Danae-Log: So. What makes life worth living? Danae al'Thor - 08/05/2010 05:04:26 PM 1526 Views
The good bits Camilla - 08/05/2010 05:17:37 PM 1145 Views
Re: There are cannibals out there who believe(d) that if you ate bits of your enemy/someone, Danae al'Thor - 08/05/2010 05:24:16 PM 1019 Views
Re: There are cannibals out there who believe(d) that if you ate bits of your enemy/someone, Camilla - 08/05/2010 05:27:27 PM 962 Views
Re: It's because the muscles haven't gotten all developed and stringy yet. Danae al'Thor - 08/05/2010 05:28:44 PM 1071 Views
Re: It's because the muscles haven't gotten all developed and stringy yet. Camilla - 08/05/2010 05:30:42 PM 905 Views
Re: I think lots of us had pre-construed that anyway. Sorry. Danae al'Thor - 08/05/2010 05:35:16 PM 1023 Views
Re: I think lots of us had pre-construed that anyway. Sorry. Camilla - 08/05/2010 05:45:35 PM 963 Views
Re: It said: Danae al'Thor - 08/05/2010 06:01:59 PM 970 Views
Re: It said: Camilla - 09/05/2010 12:04:37 AM 839 Views
Excellent reply *NM* ironclad - 10/05/2010 12:34:10 PM 598 Views
Try meditation. Just breathing exercises and relaxation. Tom - 08/05/2010 05:24:34 PM 1094 Views
Re: Um, I meditate. And I manage quote fine without CDs to do it. *NM* Danae al'Thor - 08/05/2010 05:27:28 PM 614 Views
I would posit you're not doing a good job if you're considering suicide. *NM* Tom - 09/05/2010 04:39:05 AM 612 Views
Re: I'm not considering suicide! It says so in my post! I'm so annoyed with people who assume I am! Danae al'Thor - 09/05/2010 05:23:37 AM 1086 Views
Why do you need to affirmatively say you're not considering suicide, then? Tom - 09/05/2010 05:41:50 AM 1097 Views
Re: Because I wanted to make clear my problem, and ask for a little help that wasn't about fixing me Danae al'Thor - 09/05/2010 05:50:27 AM 1037 Views
Suicide is scary A Deathwatch Guard - 08/05/2010 05:28:00 PM 1122 Views
Re: It's a self-propagating cycle, feeling bad. Danae al'Thor - 08/05/2010 05:34:13 PM 1003 Views
Dunno p hart - 08/05/2010 06:01:06 PM 1127 Views
Re: That's a never-ending line. *NM* Danae al'Thor - 08/05/2010 06:09:40 PM 524 Views
I can only think of one reason Bramhodoulos - 08/05/2010 06:43:11 PM 1160 Views
Re: I feel a little ignorant. Danae al'Thor - 08/05/2010 06:45:47 PM 922 Views
Yeah, that one (typos ) Bramhodoulos - 08/05/2010 06:46:37 PM 1072 Views
Frankly, I agree, but it's not something of which people can be really be "convinced. " Joel - 12/05/2010 12:43:29 AM 1137 Views
No Bramhodoulos - 12/05/2010 12:53:42 AM 1043 Views
Oh, I totally agree. Joel - 12/05/2010 01:05:29 AM 950 Views
Ah, so you used "convinced" as a verb and not as a participle *NM* Bramhodoulos - 12/05/2010 09:30:59 AM 594 Views
Right. Joel - 12/05/2010 12:17:59 PM 1310 Views
personally LadyLorraine - 08/05/2010 06:45:45 PM 1018 Views
Re: How many horses do you have? Danae al'Thor - 08/05/2010 06:48:27 PM 914 Views
I have two LadyLorraine - 08/05/2010 06:55:39 PM 1066 Views
That's an insanely hard question Danae SilverWarder - 08/05/2010 08:53:06 PM 1117 Views
Re: Danae al'Thor - 08/05/2010 08:58:50 PM 1188 Views
Ah, I see SilverWarder - 08/05/2010 09:19:22 PM 1055 Views
Re: I think the difference between you and me in some ways is... Danae al'Thor - 08/05/2010 09:27:17 PM 902 Views
Well - I'm glad it's of some help :-) SilverWarder - 09/05/2010 09:39:20 AM 965 Views
So what makes you think death is any better? *NM* Dark Knight - 08/05/2010 09:11:46 PM 566 Views
Re: Um, since I am not contemplating suicide, it's not an issue. Danae al'Thor - 08/05/2010 09:16:39 PM 1120 Views
Answers lie within Dark Knight - 08/05/2010 09:43:01 PM 1056 Views
Re: I rather like that idea myself. Danae al'Thor - 08/05/2010 10:02:34 PM 1030 Views
No easy answer. Beqi - 08/05/2010 09:26:52 PM 849 Views
Re: Dude, my new pills have cured my insomnia, it is awesome. I'd forgotten about that. Danae al'Thor - 08/05/2010 09:28:54 PM 998 Views
I'm probably not the right person to answer this question... damookster - 08/05/2010 09:34:35 PM 1247 Views
Re: Don't take this the wrong way... Danae al'Thor - 08/05/2010 09:36:21 PM 1100 Views
I'm praying for you right now... vandevere - 10/05/2010 10:08:32 PM 991 Views
I just wanna know what's next, 'cause it tends to be baffling. (beat.) - 08/05/2010 10:18:16 PM 1124 Views
Re: Do you believe in reincarnation? You might be able to! *NM* Danae al'Thor - 09/05/2010 05:24:17 AM 481 Views
That would be way awesome. (beat.) - 09/05/2010 11:53:40 PM 1074 Views
Re: I haven't read it. Or heard of it. Let us know what it's like! *NM* Danae al'Thor - 10/05/2010 08:36:41 AM 621 Views
It's small, sweet and related to all this stuff here. *NM* (beat.) - 10/05/2010 12:09:47 PM 532 Views
Experience Larry - 08/05/2010 10:44:08 PM 1117 Views
Re: You need to grow a beard, Larry. Danae al'Thor - 09/05/2010 05:25:20 AM 1042 Views
Who's to say I haven't? Larry - 09/05/2010 11:56:56 AM 878 Views
I'm fairly certain there isn't some magic "thing." nossy - 08/05/2010 10:45:34 PM 955 Views
Re: That's interesting. Danae al'Thor - 09/05/2010 05:26:34 AM 1000 Views
Re: That's interesting. nossy - 09/05/2010 09:12:38 PM 933 Views
Because I can't be world dictator if I am dead random thoughts - 08/05/2010 10:47:37 PM 946 Views
Re: I think it's a RAFOnaut thing, to want to be world dictator. Danae al'Thor - 09/05/2010 05:28:01 AM 1050 Views
Helping other people. *NM* BlackAdder - 08/05/2010 10:51:28 PM 482 Views
Re: If you don't mind my asking, Danae al'Thor - 09/05/2010 05:31:22 AM 998 Views
Re: If you don't mind my asking, BlackAdder - 09/05/2010 10:11:43 PM 1007 Views
Can't help you there. jh - 08/05/2010 11:22:01 PM 990 Views
Re: When the theses are done they can be fun! *NM* Danae al'Thor - 09/05/2010 05:31:48 AM 532 Views
Hmmm. No. jh - 09/05/2010 04:44:44 PM 1070 Views
Some days it just boils down to duty. Tashmere - 09/05/2010 12:52:06 AM 1117 Views
Re: The no expectations thing is HARD. To do on a moment-to-moment basis. Danae al'Thor - 09/05/2010 05:43:00 AM 1077 Views
I was in a slightly bleak mood when I wrote the first reply. I need to amend it. Tashmere - 13/05/2010 12:59:09 AM 1153 Views
That there will be a sixth season of Supernatural? Sophy - 09/05/2010 06:30:34 AM 1078 Views
Re: I actually haven't watched anything since xxx released ddd and told aaa he'd say ssss. Danae al'Thor - 09/05/2010 10:28:03 AM 884 Views
love, connection with others, the awe of being alive in the world temeraire - 09/05/2010 07:17:34 AM 879 Views
Re: You don't have to find stuff for me! Danae al'Thor - 09/05/2010 10:31:00 AM 975 Views
Love is all that keeps me sane. rebelaessedai - 09/05/2010 07:31:44 AM 1003 Views
Re: *NM* Danae al'Thor - 09/05/2010 10:31:18 AM 453 Views
Whatever you decide it does smaug - 09/05/2010 10:17:09 AM 999 Views
Re: I have not seen that, that is KICKASS. Danae al'Thor - 09/05/2010 10:38:34 AM 1021 Views
*flourishes hat* smaug - 09/05/2010 08:44:33 PM 1166 Views
That video is excellent, thanks! *NM* SilverWarder - 09/05/2010 05:52:11 PM 457 Views
Bad dancing is too awesome to not be shared *NM* smaug - 09/05/2010 08:46:27 PM 513 Views
Yep, it's one of those clips that makes you think mankind isn't that bad after all *NM* ironclad - 11/05/2010 09:20:38 AM 571 Views
The small things. Rebekah - 09/05/2010 10:45:46 AM 1099 Views
Re: Dammit, Rebekah, now I have a song playing in my head. Danae al'Thor - 09/05/2010 11:06:46 AM 849 Views
waitwaitwait Camilla - 09/05/2010 12:18:13 PM 868 Views
Re: Read the review when I post it! Danae al'Thor - 09/05/2010 03:19:14 PM 1075 Views
Carnal bliss, hydrocodone and brownies Vodalus - 09/05/2010 10:47:24 AM 1133 Views
Re: hydrocodone = pain meds? Paracetamol? Danae al'Thor - 09/05/2010 11:10:22 AM 957 Views
It's an opiod often combined with paracetamol. Vodalus - 09/05/2010 05:46:50 PM 1161 Views
To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you... TaskmasterJack - 10/05/2010 01:40:14 AM 961 Views
Re: Make sure your dentures are in. *NM* Danae al'Thor - 10/05/2010 08:35:49 AM 444 Views
Hmm. I'm trying to seriously consider your question. Nate - 10/05/2010 02:21:32 AM 1005 Views
Re: As a neutral third party, I hate that girl. Danae al'Thor - 10/05/2010 04:47:06 PM 1049 Views
Spring-time forests with flowers *NM* Floffe - 10/05/2010 05:59:46 AM 464 Views
Re: *NM* Danae al'Thor - 10/05/2010 08:41:19 AM 452 Views
I stick around for updates to the Danae-Log! Avendesora - 10/05/2010 12:14:43 PM 1102 Views
Re: Dude. Danae al'Thor - 10/05/2010 04:44:24 PM 910 Views
Heh. click the link. Avendesora - 10/05/2010 05:45:53 PM 1056 Views
Re: <whistles> Bayyyyybeee. Danae al'Thor - 10/05/2010 06:04:51 PM 956 Views
Perv. *NM* Avendesora - 11/05/2010 02:00:43 AM 557 Views
Re: Danae-Log: So. What makes life worth living? lyringlas - 11/05/2010 09:28:09 PM 973 Views
Love and the people who share it still seem the best answer. Joel - 12/05/2010 01:01:51 AM 977 Views
I don't think it's a question to ask, but a decision to make Helene - 14/05/2010 07:38:46 PM 1124 Views
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