Active Users:613 Time:24/11/2024 07:48:46 PM
Ah, I see SilverWarder Send a noteboard - 08/05/2010 09:19:22 PM
Keeping on is not the problem. Deciding not to die is not a problem. what else am I doing all this for? It's just that keeping on doesn't seem to make things any better, they just last. I have this horrifying vision of myself popping pills and feeling apathetic the rest of my life.

Anyway, a change might be nice.


What you need is a focus. A purpose.

That's not easy, nor is it simple. Shall I offer another story? Perhaps it will help.

When I was in Junior high, my parents broke the news to me. My father had been diagnosed with cancer.

Now, this was the 70s. When you got cancer in the 70s, you died. Period. It was just a matter of how long.

My life was already pretty hellish. I was THE unpopular kid in school. Beat up all the time. Running, hiding, living in fear while trying to attend school. Now my father - a very very good man - was dying.

Needless to say, there wasn't much help for all the bullying. My poor mom was sunk in misery dealing with my dad. My dad, all credit to him, refused to quit and kept living his life as much as his disease would let him.

I went through the usual hells that all unpopular kids go through. I was counterculture at times and stupid lots of times.

My dad lived long enough to see me graduate. Less than a year later he was gone. Seven years of a disease that normally kills in less than one.

After graduating, I drifted from crap job to crap job. Nothing mattering much. I went and lived on an island in a tent for three months with a girl I was desperately in love with who was engaged to someone else. Yeah, hellish and dumb.

Eventually, I turned 20. I'd been out of high school three years, my dad dead for two and I had NOTHING. No goal, no purpose, nothing. I needed a change and I needed one fast.

So, I made a decision, got up, bummed some bus change from my mom and started out the door. She asked me, "Where are you going?"

I told her, "Downtown, I'm going to join the Air Force."

And out the door I went.

Now, that isn't to say you should go out and join the military but what you may need is just that kind of a change. Something to break the routine and give you a focus - something to keep your mind on a new goal and set of needs.

It may not work - but it did for me. It didn't cure all my ills by any means but it got my life jumpstarted and moving again.

Good luck!
May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk.

Old Egyptian Blessing
Reply to message
Danae-Log: So. What makes life worth living? - 08/05/2010 05:04:26 PM 1526 Views
The good bits - 08/05/2010 05:17:37 PM 1145 Views
Re: There are cannibals out there who believe(d) that if you ate bits of your enemy/someone, - 08/05/2010 05:24:16 PM 1019 Views
Re: There are cannibals out there who believe(d) that if you ate bits of your enemy/someone, - 08/05/2010 05:27:27 PM 962 Views
Re: It's because the muscles haven't gotten all developed and stringy yet. - 08/05/2010 05:28:44 PM 1071 Views
Re: It's because the muscles haven't gotten all developed and stringy yet. - 08/05/2010 05:30:42 PM 905 Views
Re: I think lots of us had pre-construed that anyway. Sorry. - 08/05/2010 05:35:16 PM 1022 Views
Re: I think lots of us had pre-construed that anyway. Sorry. - 08/05/2010 05:45:35 PM 962 Views
Re: It said: - 08/05/2010 06:01:59 PM 969 Views
Re: It said: - 09/05/2010 12:04:37 AM 839 Views
Excellent reply *NM* - 10/05/2010 12:34:10 PM 598 Views
Suicide is scary - 08/05/2010 05:28:00 PM 1122 Views
Re: It's a self-propagating cycle, feeling bad. - 08/05/2010 05:34:13 PM 1003 Views
Dunno - 08/05/2010 06:01:06 PM 1127 Views
Re: That's a never-ending line. *NM* - 08/05/2010 06:09:40 PM 524 Views
I can only think of one reason - 08/05/2010 06:43:11 PM 1160 Views
Re: I feel a little ignorant. - 08/05/2010 06:45:47 PM 922 Views
Yeah, that one (typos ) - 08/05/2010 06:46:37 PM 1072 Views
Frankly, I agree, but it's not something of which people can be really be "convinced. " - 12/05/2010 12:43:29 AM 1137 Views
No - 12/05/2010 12:53:42 AM 1042 Views
Oh, I totally agree. - 12/05/2010 01:05:29 AM 949 Views
Ah, so you used "convinced" as a verb and not as a participle *NM* - 12/05/2010 09:30:59 AM 594 Views
Right. - 12/05/2010 12:17:59 PM 1310 Views
personally - 08/05/2010 06:45:45 PM 1017 Views
Re: How many horses do you have? - 08/05/2010 06:48:27 PM 914 Views
I have two - 08/05/2010 06:55:39 PM 1066 Views
That's an insanely hard question Danae - 08/05/2010 08:53:06 PM 1117 Views
Re: - 08/05/2010 08:58:50 PM 1188 Views
Ah, I see - 08/05/2010 09:19:22 PM 1055 Views
Re: I think the difference between you and me in some ways is... - 08/05/2010 09:27:17 PM 902 Views
Well - I'm glad it's of some help :-) - 09/05/2010 09:39:20 AM 965 Views
So what makes you think death is any better? *NM* - 08/05/2010 09:11:46 PM 566 Views
Re: Um, since I am not contemplating suicide, it's not an issue. - 08/05/2010 09:16:39 PM 1120 Views
Answers lie within - 08/05/2010 09:43:01 PM 1056 Views
Re: I rather like that idea myself. - 08/05/2010 10:02:34 PM 1030 Views
No easy answer. - 08/05/2010 09:26:52 PM 849 Views
I'm probably not the right person to answer this question... - 08/05/2010 09:34:35 PM 1247 Views
Re: Don't take this the wrong way... - 08/05/2010 09:36:21 PM 1099 Views
I'm praying for you right now... - 10/05/2010 10:08:32 PM 990 Views
I just wanna know what's next, 'cause it tends to be baffling. - 08/05/2010 10:18:16 PM 1124 Views
Re: Do you believe in reincarnation? You might be able to! *NM* - 09/05/2010 05:24:17 AM 480 Views
That would be way awesome. - 09/05/2010 11:53:40 PM 1074 Views
Re: I haven't read it. Or heard of it. Let us know what it's like! *NM* - 10/05/2010 08:36:41 AM 620 Views
It's small, sweet and related to all this stuff here. *NM* - 10/05/2010 12:09:47 PM 531 Views
Experience - 08/05/2010 10:44:08 PM 1117 Views
Re: You need to grow a beard, Larry. - 09/05/2010 05:25:20 AM 1041 Views
Who's to say I haven't? - 09/05/2010 11:56:56 AM 878 Views
I'm fairly certain there isn't some magic "thing." - 08/05/2010 10:45:34 PM 955 Views
Re: That's interesting. - 09/05/2010 05:26:34 AM 1000 Views
Re: That's interesting. - 09/05/2010 09:12:38 PM 933 Views
Because I can't be world dictator if I am dead - 08/05/2010 10:47:37 PM 946 Views
Re: I think it's a RAFOnaut thing, to want to be world dictator. - 09/05/2010 05:28:01 AM 1050 Views
Helping other people. *NM* - 08/05/2010 10:51:28 PM 482 Views
Re: If you don't mind my asking, - 09/05/2010 05:31:22 AM 998 Views
Re: If you don't mind my asking, - 09/05/2010 10:11:43 PM 1007 Views
Can't help you there. - 08/05/2010 11:22:01 PM 990 Views
Re: When the theses are done they can be fun! *NM* - 09/05/2010 05:31:48 AM 532 Views
Hmmm. No. - 09/05/2010 04:44:44 PM 1069 Views
Some days it just boils down to duty. - 09/05/2010 12:52:06 AM 1117 Views
That there will be a sixth season of Supernatural? - 09/05/2010 06:30:34 AM 1077 Views
love, connection with others, the awe of being alive in the world - 09/05/2010 07:17:34 AM 879 Views
Re: You don't have to find stuff for me! - 09/05/2010 10:31:00 AM 974 Views
Love is all that keeps me sane. - 09/05/2010 07:31:44 AM 1003 Views
Re: *NM* - 09/05/2010 10:31:18 AM 453 Views
Whatever you decide it does - 09/05/2010 10:17:09 AM 999 Views
Re: I have not seen that, that is KICKASS. - 09/05/2010 10:38:34 AM 1021 Views
*flourishes hat* - 09/05/2010 08:44:33 PM 1165 Views
That video is excellent, thanks! *NM* - 09/05/2010 05:52:11 PM 457 Views
Bad dancing is too awesome to not be shared *NM* - 09/05/2010 08:46:27 PM 513 Views
The small things. - 09/05/2010 10:45:46 AM 1098 Views
Re: Dammit, Rebekah, now I have a song playing in my head. - 09/05/2010 11:06:46 AM 848 Views
waitwaitwait - 09/05/2010 12:18:13 PM 868 Views
Re: Read the review when I post it! - 09/05/2010 03:19:14 PM 1074 Views
Carnal bliss, hydrocodone and brownies - 09/05/2010 10:47:24 AM 1132 Views
Re: hydrocodone = pain meds? Paracetamol? - 09/05/2010 11:10:22 AM 956 Views
It's an opiod often combined with paracetamol. - 09/05/2010 05:46:50 PM 1161 Views
To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you... - 10/05/2010 01:40:14 AM 961 Views
Re: Make sure your dentures are in. *NM* - 10/05/2010 08:35:49 AM 444 Views
Hmm. I'm trying to seriously consider your question. - 10/05/2010 02:21:32 AM 1005 Views
Re: As a neutral third party, I hate that girl. - 10/05/2010 04:47:06 PM 1049 Views
Spring-time forests with flowers *NM* - 10/05/2010 05:59:46 AM 464 Views
Re: *NM* - 10/05/2010 08:41:19 AM 452 Views
I stick around for updates to the Danae-Log! - 10/05/2010 12:14:43 PM 1102 Views
Re: Dude. - 10/05/2010 04:44:24 PM 910 Views
Heh. click the link. - 10/05/2010 05:45:53 PM 1056 Views
Re: <whistles> Bayyyyybeee. - 10/05/2010 06:04:51 PM 955 Views
Perv. *NM* - 11/05/2010 02:00:43 AM 556 Views
Re: Danae-Log: So. What makes life worth living? - 11/05/2010 09:28:09 PM 973 Views
Love and the people who share it still seem the best answer. - 12/05/2010 01:01:51 AM 977 Views
I don't think it's a question to ask, but a decision to make - 14/05/2010 07:38:46 PM 1124 Views

Reply to Message