Keeping on is not the problem. Deciding not to die is not a problem. what else am I doing all this for? It's just that keeping on doesn't seem to make things any better, they just last. I have this horrifying vision of myself popping pills and feeling apathetic the rest of my life.
Anyway, a change might be nice.
Anyway, a change might be nice.
What you need is a focus. A purpose.
That's not easy, nor is it simple. Shall I offer another story? Perhaps it will help.
When I was in Junior high, my parents broke the news to me. My father had been diagnosed with cancer.
Now, this was the 70s. When you got cancer in the 70s, you died. Period. It was just a matter of how long.
My life was already pretty hellish. I was THE unpopular kid in school. Beat up all the time. Running, hiding, living in fear while trying to attend school. Now my father - a very very good man - was dying.
Needless to say, there wasn't much help for all the bullying. My poor mom was sunk in misery dealing with my dad. My dad, all credit to him, refused to quit and kept living his life as much as his disease would let him.
I went through the usual hells that all unpopular kids go through. I was counterculture at times and stupid lots of times.
My dad lived long enough to see me graduate. Less than a year later he was gone. Seven years of a disease that normally kills in less than one.
After graduating, I drifted from crap job to crap job. Nothing mattering much. I went and lived on an island in a tent for three months with a girl I was desperately in love with who was engaged to someone else. Yeah, hellish and dumb.
Eventually, I turned 20. I'd been out of high school three years, my dad dead for two and I had NOTHING. No goal, no purpose, nothing. I needed a change and I needed one fast.
So, I made a decision, got up, bummed some bus change from my mom and started out the door. She asked me, "Where are you going?"
I told her, "Downtown, I'm going to join the Air Force."
And out the door I went.
Now, that isn't to say you should go out and join the military but what you may need is just that kind of a change. Something to break the routine and give you a focus - something to keep your mind on a new goal and set of needs.
It may not work - but it did for me. It didn't cure all my ills by any means but it got my life jumpstarted and moving again.
Good luck!
May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk.
Old Egyptian Blessing
Old Egyptian Blessing
Danae-Log: So. What makes life worth living?
08/05/2010 05:04:26 PM
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The good bits
08/05/2010 05:17:37 PM
- 1145 Views
Re: There are cannibals out there who believe(d) that if you ate bits of your enemy/someone,
08/05/2010 05:24:16 PM
- 1019 Views
Re: There are cannibals out there who believe(d) that if you ate bits of your enemy/someone,
08/05/2010 05:27:27 PM
- 962 Views
Re: It's because the muscles haven't gotten all developed and stringy yet.
08/05/2010 05:28:44 PM
- 1071 Views
Re: It's because the muscles haven't gotten all developed and stringy yet.
08/05/2010 05:30:42 PM
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Re: I think lots of us had pre-construed that anyway. Sorry.
08/05/2010 05:35:16 PM
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Try meditation. Just breathing exercises and relaxation.
08/05/2010 05:24:34 PM
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Re: Um, I meditate. And I manage quote fine without CDs to do it. *NM*
08/05/2010 05:27:28 PM
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I would posit you're not doing a good job if you're considering suicide. *NM*
09/05/2010 04:39:05 AM
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Re: I'm not considering suicide! It says so in my post! I'm so annoyed with people who assume I am!
09/05/2010 05:23:37 AM
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Why do you need to affirmatively say you're not considering suicide, then?
09/05/2010 05:41:50 AM
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Re: Because I wanted to make clear my problem, and ask for a little help that wasn't about fixing me
09/05/2010 05:50:27 AM
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I can only think of one reason
08/05/2010 06:43:11 PM
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Frankly, I agree, but it's not something of which people can be really be "convinced. "
12/05/2010 12:43:29 AM
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No
12/05/2010 12:53:42 AM
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Oh, I totally agree.
12/05/2010 01:05:29 AM
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Ah, so you used "convinced" as a verb and not as a participle *NM*
12/05/2010 09:30:59 AM
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personally
08/05/2010 06:45:45 PM
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That's an insanely hard question Danae
08/05/2010 08:53:06 PM
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Re:
08/05/2010 08:58:50 PM
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Ah, I see
08/05/2010 09:19:22 PM
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So what makes you think death is any better? *NM*
08/05/2010 09:11:46 PM
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Re: Um, since I am not contemplating suicide, it's not an issue.
08/05/2010 09:16:39 PM
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No easy answer.
08/05/2010 09:26:52 PM
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Re: Dude, my new pills have cured my insomnia, it is awesome. I'd forgotten about that.
08/05/2010 09:28:54 PM
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I just wanna know what's next, 'cause it tends to be baffling.
08/05/2010 10:18:16 PM
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Re: Do you believe in reincarnation? You might be able to! *NM*
09/05/2010 05:24:17 AM
- 480 Views
That would be way awesome.
09/05/2010 11:53:40 PM
- 1074 Views
Re: I haven't read it. Or heard of it. Let us know what it's like! *NM*
10/05/2010 08:36:41 AM
- 620 Views
Experience
08/05/2010 10:44:08 PM
- 1117 Views
I'm fairly certain there isn't some magic "thing."
08/05/2010 10:45:34 PM
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Because I can't be world dictator if I am dead
08/05/2010 10:47:37 PM
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Re: I think it's a RAFOnaut thing, to want to be world dictator.
09/05/2010 05:28:01 AM
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Helping other people. *NM*
08/05/2010 10:51:28 PM
- 482 Views
Can't help you there.
08/05/2010 11:22:01 PM
- 990 Views
Some days it just boils down to duty.
09/05/2010 12:52:06 AM
- 1117 Views
Re: The no expectations thing is HARD. To do on a moment-to-moment basis.
09/05/2010 05:43:00 AM
- 1076 Views
I was in a slightly bleak mood when I wrote the first reply. I need to amend it.
13/05/2010 12:59:09 AM
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That there will be a sixth season of Supernatural?
09/05/2010 06:30:34 AM
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Re: I actually haven't watched anything since xxx released ddd and told aaa he'd say ssss.
09/05/2010 10:28:03 AM
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love, connection with others, the awe of being alive in the world
09/05/2010 07:17:34 AM
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Whatever you decide it does
09/05/2010 10:17:09 AM
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Yep, it's one of those clips that makes you think mankind isn't that bad after all *NM*
11/05/2010 09:20:38 AM
- 570 Views
The small things.
09/05/2010 10:45:46 AM
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Re: Dammit, Rebekah, now I have a song playing in my head.
09/05/2010 11:06:46 AM
- 848 Views
Carnal bliss, hydrocodone and brownies
09/05/2010 10:47:24 AM
- 1132 Views
I stick around for updates to the Danae-Log!
10/05/2010 12:14:43 PM
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Re: Dude.
10/05/2010 04:44:24 PM
- 910 Views
Heh. click the link.
10/05/2010 05:45:53 PM
- 1056 Views