So what makes you think death is any better? *NM*
Dark Knight Send a noteboard - 08/05/2010 09:11:46 PM
No, really. Why do we, you, I, stick around? Love? Sex? Hugsies from Mommy? Money? Books? LSD? Babies? Duty?
I don't want to be talked out of committing suicide, mostly because I'm not committing suicide. But I am alive today mostly because of some vague principle that dying is probably worse than all this, my parents and brother would be sad, and I'm in therapy so that I don't commit suicide. So far as results go, it's working.
But over the last few months, I gotta tell you. I don't see the point. It's just going to be more of this... this struggle. Day after day. Why am I doing this? Obviously I'm missing something. Something that makes life "worth living" in a concrete sense, not just in this vague amorphous way.
What am I missing? I've been told to "cheer up" and the only reason I'm not happy is that I'm "not trying". It's like I "want to be miserable". And I look at my little white pills that help me get out of bed in the morning, at my very nice therapist who tells me not to be so angry at myself for not being happy or accomplished or okay... I don't know how to do this "trying" or "doing" or "cheerying".
So. If you feel up to it, if you want to, if you feel like it. Share your joy with me, for a bit, please?
I don't want to be talked out of committing suicide, mostly because I'm not committing suicide. But I am alive today mostly because of some vague principle that dying is probably worse than all this, my parents and brother would be sad, and I'm in therapy so that I don't commit suicide. So far as results go, it's working.
But over the last few months, I gotta tell you. I don't see the point. It's just going to be more of this... this struggle. Day after day. Why am I doing this? Obviously I'm missing something. Something that makes life "worth living" in a concrete sense, not just in this vague amorphous way.
What am I missing? I've been told to "cheer up" and the only reason I'm not happy is that I'm "not trying". It's like I "want to be miserable". And I look at my little white pills that help me get out of bed in the morning, at my very nice therapist who tells me not to be so angry at myself for not being happy or accomplished or okay... I don't know how to do this "trying" or "doing" or "cheerying".
So. If you feel up to it, if you want to, if you feel like it. Share your joy with me, for a bit, please?
Formerly Mat Bloody Cauthon on Wotmania, blessed be its name
Danae-Log: So. What makes life worth living?
08/05/2010 05:04:26 PM
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The good bits
08/05/2010 05:17:37 PM
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Re: There are cannibals out there who believe(d) that if you ate bits of your enemy/someone,
08/05/2010 05:24:16 PM
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Re: There are cannibals out there who believe(d) that if you ate bits of your enemy/someone,
08/05/2010 05:27:27 PM
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Re: It's because the muscles haven't gotten all developed and stringy yet.
08/05/2010 05:28:44 PM
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Re: It's because the muscles haven't gotten all developed and stringy yet.
08/05/2010 05:30:42 PM
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Re: I think lots of us had pre-construed that anyway. Sorry.
08/05/2010 05:35:16 PM
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Try meditation. Just breathing exercises and relaxation.
08/05/2010 05:24:34 PM
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Re: Um, I meditate. And I manage quote fine without CDs to do it. *NM*
08/05/2010 05:27:28 PM
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I would posit you're not doing a good job if you're considering suicide. *NM*
09/05/2010 04:39:05 AM
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Re: I'm not considering suicide! It says so in my post! I'm so annoyed with people who assume I am!
09/05/2010 05:23:37 AM
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Why do you need to affirmatively say you're not considering suicide, then?
09/05/2010 05:41:50 AM
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Re: Because I wanted to make clear my problem, and ask for a little help that wasn't about fixing me
09/05/2010 05:50:27 AM
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I can only think of one reason
08/05/2010 06:43:11 PM
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Frankly, I agree, but it's not something of which people can be really be "convinced. "
12/05/2010 12:43:29 AM
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No
12/05/2010 12:53:42 AM
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Oh, I totally agree.
12/05/2010 01:05:29 AM
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Ah, so you used "convinced" as a verb and not as a participle *NM*
12/05/2010 09:30:59 AM
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personally
08/05/2010 06:45:45 PM
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That's an insanely hard question Danae
08/05/2010 08:53:06 PM
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Re:
08/05/2010 08:58:50 PM
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Ah, I see
08/05/2010 09:19:22 PM
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So what makes you think death is any better? *NM*
08/05/2010 09:11:46 PM
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Re: Um, since I am not contemplating suicide, it's not an issue.
08/05/2010 09:16:39 PM
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No easy answer.
08/05/2010 09:26:52 PM
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Re: Dude, my new pills have cured my insomnia, it is awesome. I'd forgotten about that.
08/05/2010 09:28:54 PM
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I just wanna know what's next, 'cause it tends to be baffling.
08/05/2010 10:18:16 PM
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Re: Do you believe in reincarnation? You might be able to! *NM*
09/05/2010 05:24:17 AM
- 480 Views
That would be way awesome.
09/05/2010 11:53:40 PM
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Re: I haven't read it. Or heard of it. Let us know what it's like! *NM*
10/05/2010 08:36:41 AM
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Experience
08/05/2010 10:44:08 PM
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I'm fairly certain there isn't some magic "thing."
08/05/2010 10:45:34 PM
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Because I can't be world dictator if I am dead
08/05/2010 10:47:37 PM
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Re: I think it's a RAFOnaut thing, to want to be world dictator.
09/05/2010 05:28:01 AM
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Helping other people. *NM*
08/05/2010 10:51:28 PM
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Can't help you there.
08/05/2010 11:22:01 PM
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Some days it just boils down to duty.
09/05/2010 12:52:06 AM
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Re: The no expectations thing is HARD. To do on a moment-to-moment basis.
09/05/2010 05:43:00 AM
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I was in a slightly bleak mood when I wrote the first reply. I need to amend it.
13/05/2010 12:59:09 AM
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That there will be a sixth season of Supernatural?
09/05/2010 06:30:34 AM
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Re: I actually haven't watched anything since xxx released ddd and told aaa he'd say ssss.
09/05/2010 10:28:03 AM
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love, connection with others, the awe of being alive in the world
09/05/2010 07:17:34 AM
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Whatever you decide it does
09/05/2010 10:17:09 AM
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Yep, it's one of those clips that makes you think mankind isn't that bad after all *NM*
11/05/2010 09:20:38 AM
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The small things.
09/05/2010 10:45:46 AM
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Re: Dammit, Rebekah, now I have a song playing in my head.
09/05/2010 11:06:46 AM
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Carnal bliss, hydrocodone and brownies
09/05/2010 10:47:24 AM
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I stick around for updates to the Danae-Log!
10/05/2010 12:14:43 PM
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Re: Dude.
10/05/2010 04:44:24 PM
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Heh. click the link.
10/05/2010 05:45:53 PM
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