Active Users:692 Time:24/11/2024 08:08:26 PM
That's an insanely hard question Danae SilverWarder Send a noteboard - 08/05/2010 08:53:06 PM
There certainly have been days when I couldn't find anything myself. Fortunately I got past those - but it was a close run thing on occasion.

I'll tell you something. Mostly a secret. Of course I'm putting it out on the internet so it won't be anymore but that's okay. It was long long ago and perhaps you or someone else will benefit from it.

Once, long ago, I had a 9mm parabellum round that I wouldn't shoot. The reason that I wouldn't shoot it was that I had promised that said bullet would only ever be fired if I used it on myself. For years I kept it around and it did spend some time in the chamber of my P-38. More than once it came within a few tiny grams of pressure of fulfilling its destiny.

After some time I wound up briefly dating a girl who knew about this. She knew about it before we dated and things weren't going well. I didn't want her to feel that she should stay with me because I might get depressed and fire that round - so I took her out behind my house, showed her the bullet, which she'd never seen before and flung it over the railroad tracks and into the woods.

We did break up awhile later and were friends for many years after that too. But it wasn't a horrible soul destroying break-up. Just a break up and I survived.

There have been times since then when I've come close to those levels of despair, but never quite as close. Just making the decision to keep on helped.

Depression is a terrible thing - and it's nearly certainly the reason my wife and I are living separately right now. Her depressive episodes wouldn't let her be happy. She's still not entirely happy but the change back to a more familiar state is better for her. I hope she can use that to put things back on track.

For you, well I don't know you well enough to say what might work to make things brighter. It might be that you need a real, solid change in your life. Travel to somewhere new or something entirely outside your experience. That kind of shift can sometimes break a depressive cycle simply because your brain needs to work on other things.

It might just be that you need to take a long walk, either alone or with a friend who won't judge or press you. Go someplace nearby you've never been. Try and connect with everything around you and all the people who have walked that way before you. Sometimes that kind of thing helps me.

I don't know what the fix is - because as humans we are all so variable. I just hope that you do find something because when things are good life is very much worth living.

Be safe and well.
May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk.

Old Egyptian Blessing
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Danae-Log: So. What makes life worth living? - 08/05/2010 05:04:26 PM 1526 Views
The good bits - 08/05/2010 05:17:37 PM 1145 Views
Re: There are cannibals out there who believe(d) that if you ate bits of your enemy/someone, - 08/05/2010 05:24:16 PM 1019 Views
Re: There are cannibals out there who believe(d) that if you ate bits of your enemy/someone, - 08/05/2010 05:27:27 PM 962 Views
Re: It's because the muscles haven't gotten all developed and stringy yet. - 08/05/2010 05:28:44 PM 1071 Views
Re: It's because the muscles haven't gotten all developed and stringy yet. - 08/05/2010 05:30:42 PM 906 Views
Re: I think lots of us had pre-construed that anyway. Sorry. - 08/05/2010 05:35:16 PM 1023 Views
Re: I think lots of us had pre-construed that anyway. Sorry. - 08/05/2010 05:45:35 PM 963 Views
Re: It said: - 08/05/2010 06:01:59 PM 970 Views
Re: It said: - 09/05/2010 12:04:37 AM 839 Views
Excellent reply *NM* - 10/05/2010 12:34:10 PM 599 Views
Suicide is scary - 08/05/2010 05:28:00 PM 1122 Views
Re: It's a self-propagating cycle, feeling bad. - 08/05/2010 05:34:13 PM 1003 Views
Dunno - 08/05/2010 06:01:06 PM 1127 Views
Re: That's a never-ending line. *NM* - 08/05/2010 06:09:40 PM 524 Views
I can only think of one reason - 08/05/2010 06:43:11 PM 1160 Views
Re: I feel a little ignorant. - 08/05/2010 06:45:47 PM 922 Views
Yeah, that one (typos ) - 08/05/2010 06:46:37 PM 1073 Views
Frankly, I agree, but it's not something of which people can be really be "convinced. " - 12/05/2010 12:43:29 AM 1137 Views
No - 12/05/2010 12:53:42 AM 1043 Views
Oh, I totally agree. - 12/05/2010 01:05:29 AM 950 Views
Ah, so you used "convinced" as a verb and not as a participle *NM* - 12/05/2010 09:30:59 AM 595 Views
Right. - 12/05/2010 12:17:59 PM 1310 Views
personally - 08/05/2010 06:45:45 PM 1018 Views
Re: How many horses do you have? - 08/05/2010 06:48:27 PM 914 Views
I have two - 08/05/2010 06:55:39 PM 1066 Views
That's an insanely hard question Danae - 08/05/2010 08:53:06 PM 1118 Views
Re: - 08/05/2010 08:58:50 PM 1188 Views
Ah, I see - 08/05/2010 09:19:22 PM 1055 Views
Re: I think the difference between you and me in some ways is... - 08/05/2010 09:27:17 PM 902 Views
Well - I'm glad it's of some help :-) - 09/05/2010 09:39:20 AM 965 Views
So what makes you think death is any better? *NM* - 08/05/2010 09:11:46 PM 566 Views
Re: Um, since I am not contemplating suicide, it's not an issue. - 08/05/2010 09:16:39 PM 1120 Views
Answers lie within - 08/05/2010 09:43:01 PM 1056 Views
Re: I rather like that idea myself. - 08/05/2010 10:02:34 PM 1030 Views
No easy answer. - 08/05/2010 09:26:52 PM 849 Views
I'm probably not the right person to answer this question... - 08/05/2010 09:34:35 PM 1247 Views
Re: Don't take this the wrong way... - 08/05/2010 09:36:21 PM 1100 Views
I'm praying for you right now... - 10/05/2010 10:08:32 PM 991 Views
I just wanna know what's next, 'cause it tends to be baffling. - 08/05/2010 10:18:16 PM 1124 Views
Re: Do you believe in reincarnation? You might be able to! *NM* - 09/05/2010 05:24:17 AM 481 Views
That would be way awesome. - 09/05/2010 11:53:40 PM 1074 Views
Re: I haven't read it. Or heard of it. Let us know what it's like! *NM* - 10/05/2010 08:36:41 AM 621 Views
It's small, sweet and related to all this stuff here. *NM* - 10/05/2010 12:09:47 PM 532 Views
Experience - 08/05/2010 10:44:08 PM 1117 Views
Re: You need to grow a beard, Larry. - 09/05/2010 05:25:20 AM 1042 Views
Who's to say I haven't? - 09/05/2010 11:56:56 AM 879 Views
I'm fairly certain there isn't some magic "thing." - 08/05/2010 10:45:34 PM 955 Views
Re: That's interesting. - 09/05/2010 05:26:34 AM 1001 Views
Re: That's interesting. - 09/05/2010 09:12:38 PM 933 Views
Because I can't be world dictator if I am dead - 08/05/2010 10:47:37 PM 946 Views
Re: I think it's a RAFOnaut thing, to want to be world dictator. - 09/05/2010 05:28:01 AM 1050 Views
Helping other people. *NM* - 08/05/2010 10:51:28 PM 482 Views
Re: If you don't mind my asking, - 09/05/2010 05:31:22 AM 998 Views
Re: If you don't mind my asking, - 09/05/2010 10:11:43 PM 1007 Views
Can't help you there. - 08/05/2010 11:22:01 PM 990 Views
Re: When the theses are done they can be fun! *NM* - 09/05/2010 05:31:48 AM 532 Views
Hmmm. No. - 09/05/2010 04:44:44 PM 1070 Views
Some days it just boils down to duty. - 09/05/2010 12:52:06 AM 1118 Views
That there will be a sixth season of Supernatural? - 09/05/2010 06:30:34 AM 1078 Views
love, connection with others, the awe of being alive in the world - 09/05/2010 07:17:34 AM 879 Views
Re: You don't have to find stuff for me! - 09/05/2010 10:31:00 AM 975 Views
Love is all that keeps me sane. - 09/05/2010 07:31:44 AM 1004 Views
Re: *NM* - 09/05/2010 10:31:18 AM 453 Views
Whatever you decide it does - 09/05/2010 10:17:09 AM 1000 Views
Re: I have not seen that, that is KICKASS. - 09/05/2010 10:38:34 AM 1022 Views
*flourishes hat* - 09/05/2010 08:44:33 PM 1167 Views
That video is excellent, thanks! *NM* - 09/05/2010 05:52:11 PM 457 Views
Bad dancing is too awesome to not be shared *NM* - 09/05/2010 08:46:27 PM 513 Views
The small things. - 09/05/2010 10:45:46 AM 1099 Views
Re: Dammit, Rebekah, now I have a song playing in my head. - 09/05/2010 11:06:46 AM 849 Views
waitwaitwait - 09/05/2010 12:18:13 PM 868 Views
Re: Read the review when I post it! - 09/05/2010 03:19:14 PM 1075 Views
Carnal bliss, hydrocodone and brownies - 09/05/2010 10:47:24 AM 1133 Views
Re: hydrocodone = pain meds? Paracetamol? - 09/05/2010 11:10:22 AM 957 Views
It's an opiod often combined with paracetamol. - 09/05/2010 05:46:50 PM 1161 Views
To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you... - 10/05/2010 01:40:14 AM 962 Views
Re: Make sure your dentures are in. *NM* - 10/05/2010 08:35:49 AM 444 Views
Hmm. I'm trying to seriously consider your question. - 10/05/2010 02:21:32 AM 1005 Views
Re: As a neutral third party, I hate that girl. - 10/05/2010 04:47:06 PM 1049 Views
Spring-time forests with flowers *NM* - 10/05/2010 05:59:46 AM 464 Views
Re: *NM* - 10/05/2010 08:41:19 AM 452 Views
I stick around for updates to the Danae-Log! - 10/05/2010 12:14:43 PM 1102 Views
Re: Dude. - 10/05/2010 04:44:24 PM 910 Views
Heh. click the link. - 10/05/2010 05:45:53 PM 1056 Views
Re: <whistles> Bayyyyybeee. - 10/05/2010 06:04:51 PM 956 Views
Perv. *NM* - 11/05/2010 02:00:43 AM 557 Views
Re: Danae-Log: So. What makes life worth living? - 11/05/2010 09:28:09 PM 973 Views
Love and the people who share it still seem the best answer. - 12/05/2010 01:01:51 AM 977 Views
I don't think it's a question to ask, but a decision to make - 14/05/2010 07:38:46 PM 1124 Views

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