Last night my roomate and I witnessed to each other about how we need to watch it becasue LUCIFER sneaks into our lives in small ways.

Oh, I don't think the GOAT OF MENDES is hiding in my Corn Pops or that barcodes have "666" in them or that TATTOOS are a blood contract with demons or anything, but I think there are lots of ways SATAN jumps into our back pockets and rides around with us like loose change.

So this is the list my roomate and I came up with. I hope you'll share some of your own observations.

1. Garden Gnomes: Their were no gnomes in the Garden of Eden, yet everybody puts these ceramic idols in the tomato patch to watch over their crops! THAT GNOME IN YOUR GARDEN IS MOLOCH!

2. The Lifestyles Channel: My roomate especially has a problem with this because she likes programs that feature former TV stars from the Facts of Life and Meredith Baxter Birney, but this channel advocates WITCHCRAFT! Don't let these crystal gazing floozies into your life. Shut them off and tune into JESUS!

3. Bible Bookmarks: Be careful what you use to bookmark your BIBLE! I was using a grocery store receipt that had coupons on the back and one of those coupons was for RAVIOLI. If SATAN gets you to think about ravioli instead of about what you read in GOD's BOOK he's gotten you to trade your soul for 79 cents off the family-size jar. NOT A GOOD DEAL FOR YOU!!!!!

4. Going Bra-less: My roomate doesn't have much of a problem with this one--cause she'd have back aches--but we talked and I need to be more diligent about keeping my body properly restrained in public. Men, I realize this one doesn't apply to most of you, but do the women in your life a favor and encourage them to wear bras, especially if they leave the house. Don't let them jiggle like a refridgerated desert! Your women shouldn't be out in public ACTING THE JEZEBEL!

5. The GNC: My roomate and I aren't exactly sure why this is, but we noticed that NONE of the good Christians we know shop at the GNC. It seems to be a hangout for NEW AGE CRAZIES! The vitamin you need anyway is VITAMIN J! HE keeps better hours than the mall and there's no sales tax!

6. Mowing the Lawn in your Swimsuit: Swimsuits were meant for swimming and the way we've started wearing them for everything it's just a matter of time before we're all working the edger in halter tops or squeezing into fish net muscle shirts to carve the bushes. Everyone who sees you writhing like a lusty ANIMAL will be trapped in the spectacle that is your SIN!

7. Bowling Alley Food: Paul says your body is a temple and anything served up by a bowling alley is pollution. Think of Daniel refusing to eat the IDOLOTROUS food of BABYLON. Bowling alleys themselves are kind of borderline anyway because they're poorly lit and are centers of truancy, but the food is pure EVIL!

8. Jogging pants: I know you men sometimes get "excited" but when you wear jogging pants it's in the service of SATAN. Wear clothing that will properly conceal the condition of your arousal. Women, talk with your sons, husbands and boyfriends about this.

9. Gymanisums: Avoid gyms at all costs. They are just places for strangers to rub their sweaty, grunting bodies without being arrested or called into a church council. I've heard that for many married couples the gym is the first step on the road to KEY PARTIES and SWINGING. Exercise is good, but do it in a place that will not lead to lascivious lasciviousness!

10. Motorcycles and Horses: I personally don't have a problem with either of these but I know some women do. Sisters, don't engage in activites that have you "astride." It's overly suggestive. Get that bananna seat off your bike too!


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