I'm bitter and annoyed today. It isn't because I'm sleep deprived due to work and parental repsponsibilities. And it isn't even because I'm battling a flu/cold and still cannot afford to call in sick.

No, I'm bitter and annoyed today because I'm getting old.

'Hogwash', you elderly folk such as Druid and damookster say. 'At 27 you are a strapping young buck.' Ah, but in the course of the past two days certain things have occured that make it obvious that I am succumbing to the slippery slope that is old age.

First off, I have had some...issues...with the ole poop chute. Yeah, aren't you glad you opened this thread. Well, anywho, I went to the doctor and (Yay!) I have hemorrhoids. Woohoo! Nothing says fun like that itchy, burning, bleeding sensation. I was prescribed two things to combat their effects. One, and might I point out that this is awful, is a fiber supplement. Two, and as a straight man I might hasten to expound that this is about as exquisite a hell as imaginable, I need to spend three weeks taking hydrocortisone suppositories every evening before bed (or morning, as I work nights). Joy.

Pissed off about this turn of events, I go home and in an utter youthful act of defiance Bic my head once again. Well, maybe it's an aged act of defiance, because when my head is shaved you can't see the gray hairs. I then shave my face, leaving no hair on my head except my perfectly manicured goatee.

And the caterpillars growing out of my ears that I've been ignoring for so long.

So yes, for the first time in my life I admitted that I have an ear hair problem and trimmed them. Excellent.

So I'm feeling bitter and old today. I've already complained about my ass and ears, and if you aren't careful, I may kvetch about every ache and pain I can conjure before this day is through.