Alric and Mrs. seVinta relaxed on the couch, watching TV while waiting for their dinner to finish cooking. Alric was tired and a little irritable after a long day of writing cover letters and applying for a new job. He wanted to do something but didn't know what when he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye. A black shape, graceful and slow-moving, flew up the stairs from the lower-level, did a quick circle of the living room and shot back down the stairs. Virgina, Alrics 17 pound fat cat was in hot pursuit. It was a bat, a big bat, Alric realized as he heard his wife screaming. She was trying to hide under a couch cushion.

Moving swiftly, Alric lept off the couch, moved to the door at the top of the stairs and slammed it shut. He hated bats, and all he could think of was the couple times, while he was a child, that his father had gone running from the room, screaming like a school girl, from a flying bat. He locked himself in the bathroom for 15 minutes, both times, leaving his wife and young sons in the house with the bat. Alric didn't want to do that. Mrs. seVinta was freaking out.

"What are we going to do?" she asked in a panic. "We don't have a net or anything."

"I don't know," replied Alric trying to think.

"What are we going to do? What?" repeated Mrs. Alric, her voice rising an octive. "Should we go to our neighbors and ask if they have a net?"

"Who the hell has a net?" responded Alric, trying to figure out exactly what planet his wife was from. He took his long-sleeve, flannel shirt off and began wrapping it around his head in a makeshift turban, evening using a loose sleeve to cover his mouth and nose. He felt like a dork.

"Where's my tennis racket?" Alric asked.

"Downstairs."

"Crap. Well, give me something... a sheet, a towel... something." Mrs. seVinta disappeared upstairs as Alric grabbed a broom handle he had in the upstairs closet. His wife returned with a bathtowel.

"What am I supposed to with a towel?" asked Alric.

"I don't know," replied Mrs. Alric.

Alric wrapped one end of the purple towel around the end of the broom handle and stretched the other end away making a net-like, shield type thing. Alric sighed and made his way to the downstairs door. "Open the door for me."

"What are you going to do?" shrieked Mrs. seVinta.

"I don't know. Get it somehow." With that, Alric quickly slipped through the door and crouched on the top step investigating the bags and hats hanging on the hooks by his head. It was clear. "Close the door."

Alric quickly moved to the bottom of the five steps and quickly went to one knee, crouching. The ceiling was low down there, barely clearing Alric's head, and he didn't want that damn thing flying into him. He needed to stay low. Scanning around into the two rooms, he couldn't see the miscreant bat. Crouch-sidling slowly, Alric moved into the downstairs bedroom. Mumford, Alric's other fat cat, exploded out from under a clothes rack, nearly causing Alric to fall flat on his arse in surprise and fright. Dang cat.

"Ah." Alric had found his tennis racket. He didn't know what he'd do with it in the close confines of the lower-level, but he liked the idea of having a weapon. Besides, what was a bat but a flying tennis ball really... yeah, it was just a flying ball and he could hit those out of the air.

"Do you see it?" asked Mrs. seVinta who was peering through a tiny crack of the door.

"No, and close the door."

The bat wasn't visible in the bedroom, so Alric decided to check the unfinished utlity room, maybe one of the cats would be looking at the bat. Still crouching, he moved silently into the utlity room, and there it was, the bat. The thing was grasping at the small downstairs window, frantically trying to get out. The poor devil was more afraid than Alric, who happened to notice that both his cats where also cowering under a metal shelving unit. The irony of two fat cats being frightened by a flying rat wasn't lost on Alric.

Not wanting to break the window and not particilarily wanting to kill the bat, Alric decided that the towel was his best bet. He had to catch it somehow because if he knocked the bat down behind the washer and dryer, he wasn't going back there after it. Moving slowly, Alric dropped the tennis racket, and crept up to the washer, raising the towel toward the window. The bat was still scrabbling desperately at the window, seeking its freedom. BANG. Alric ran directly into the washer and tried to lunge the towel at the bat without any sort of grace.

The bat launched itself into the air, flying within inches of Alric's face. Alric quickly dropped to a crouch all the time swearing in his head. Alric hates bats. The creature flew out of the room, but without being able to go anywhere, swooped back toward the window, directly at Alric.

Flailing the towel at the bat as he tried to turn to face it, Alric completely missed. The bat, trying to avoid the towel, ran directly into the chest of Alric, who let out a not so manly scream. He prefers to think of it as a battle-cry, thank you very much.

The bat made another turn at a shorter distance, but this time Alric was ready for it. He swept the towel out from his body, holding it wide, catching the bat in mid-air. Alric swung so hard that the moment knocked him off balance, and he landed on his arse. Moving quickly, not knowing where the bat was... it could be on him... Alric jumped back into his crouch.

The bat was in front of him. The mighty blow and knocked the bat into a door and stunned it. The pathetic creature was on its back, shaking a emitting a high-pitched squeal. Alric took pity on his foe and gently scooped it up it the towel. He went up to the main level of the house, carried the bat outside and released it into the grass across the driveway. Alric felt good.

"Did you kill it?" asked Mrs. seVinta.

"No. I felt sorry for the little bugger," replied Alric. "Hey, that little shit pissed in our towel."

The End


ummmaludra
it takes a lot to make me crazy
and a lot is always going on