I can't even begin to imagine the pain you must be going through. I haven't even been in love properly, never mind lost anyone I loved. But I can tell you that no matter how bad it gets, God is still there in charge of the universe; and at the times when there is only one set of footprints in the sand, and you think it's because he's abandoned you when you need him the most, it is then that he is carrying you. Also, God understands when you get angry at him, and he's big enough to take it. Don't feel guilty about feeling angry at God, because he's been there too, and felt all the suffering that any human being has ever felt. It's OK to be angry at God for a while. I have complete faith in God. Just think he's an asshole sometimes, especially now. I can tell myself that it was meant to be, but it still doesn't stop from swearing at Him and Ash. Seems really awful, swearing at the dead.

You are one of the nicer people among those that God has made. If nothing else, the fact that you still called me when you must have been more worried than you've ever been before proves that. God has put you on earth for a reason, and it may just be that the pain you're going through right now will build and strengthen you to carry that out. And it is only through fulfilling God's plan for our life that we can find true happiness and fulfulment. It doesn't mean you have to like it, but take courage from God. Thank you. That is extremely sweet. I know I'll look back some day and think about how his event changed my whole life. Maybe.

Ash died loving you, and he's smiling down on you now in paradise, wishing the best for your whole life. He'd better be. I'm holding him personally responsible for my future happiness. If I'm not happy woe betide him when I die.

I know I really have no place to say any of this, but I feel I have to at least try and say something. So, apologies if I've said anything out of place or insensitive. If so, please forgive me - it is all said with good intent. *hugs* I'm glad you said all that

Yours with as much love and sympathy as I can offer, Tim.